On Record

ROAST
ROSTER

Everything Jake has bodied, buried, or otherwise had opinions about. Catalogued. Dated. On the record. Contributions accepted in the Discord.

14 Documented Incidents
7 Full Destructions
6 Categories
1 Legendary
Key —
Noted
Called Out
Buried
Bodied
Destroyed
The Internet #01
People Who Spell 'Lose' as 'Loose'
"You're not loosing anything. You're losing. Loose means something different. I'm begging you to open a book."
Bodied
Stream Ongoing
Takes #02
Self-Help Gurus With No Job History
"He woke up at 4am once and now he has a 12-week program. He's never run anything. He ran some water. He hydrated."
Destroyed
Commentary 2023
Trends #03
Manifesting as a Business Strategy
"You didn't manifest it. You happened to be in the right place. Your journal had nothing to do with it."
Destroyed
Stream 2022–2023
Content #04
Reaction Content With No Actual Reaction
"He sat there with his mouth open for 40 minutes. That's not a reaction. That's a stroke at a comfortable volume."
Destroyed
Commentary 2023
Products #05
Energy Drink Sponsored Content
"Every streamer has a promo code for something that tastes like if blue were a beverage. Every single one. No."
Buried
Commentary 2023–2024
Trends #06
NFT Guys Who Quietly Pivoted to AI
"Same guy. Same tie-dye hoodie. Different whiteboard. Zero accountability for the ape."
Destroyed
Stream 2022–2024
The Internet #07
People Who Say 'It Is What It Is'
"It didn't have to be what it is. You made choices. Own the choices. Words mean things."
Buried
Stream Ongoing
Content #08
Content Creators With 'Authentic' in Their Bio
"If you had to write it in your bio, you don't have it. Authentic people don't announce it. That's kind of the whole thing."
Bodied
Commentary 2023
Community #09
People Who Leave Discord After One Warning
"You got one warning. One. And you ghosted like that was a finale. You wrote your own exit arc out of a single moderator message."
Buried
Discord / Stream Ongoing
Trends #10
The Word 'Rizz' at Full Industrial Scale
"We made it a noun, a verb, an adjective, and a personality type in eight months. We accelerated. We should reflect."
Buried
Stream 2023
Takes #11
Bro Podcast: 'Red Flags' Episode
"Four guys sat down to define what they won't put up with in a relationship. None of them have been in one that lasted."
Destroyed
Podcast Commentary 2023
Content #12
Satire That Needs a Disclaimer
"If you have to put 'obviously I was joking' in the replies, the joke didn't work. Write better jokes."
Bodied
Commentary 2023
The Internet #13
People Who Cite 'Doing Their Research'
"You watched a 22-minute YouTube video from a guy who sells supplements. That is not research. That is a commercial with chapter markers."
Destroyed
Stream 2022–2023
Community #14
The Como Se Dice F*cking Dork Moment
"This is where it started. You know the clip. It was not planned. It was correct."
Legendary
Origin Event Foundational
Missing Something?

SUBMIT A CLIP

If Jake bodied something on stream and it's not in the Roster, bring the clip to the Discord. The archive grows.

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Slide it. Find out how Jake would rate any given take. Official GFC calibration. The meter doesn't lie.

Lukewarm Spicy Bodied Destroyed Legendary